I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
