if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
