Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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