i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
