It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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