so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
