Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
