I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
