my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize