sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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