Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
