There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
