I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
