dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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