so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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