sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Operation Purity has been aborted
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
