The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize