i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My life is pants optional.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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