No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
