I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
