Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
