This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
