Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
