I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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