i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
