Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
