yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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