is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
