i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
