i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize