dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
