Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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