Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
