after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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