I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
