I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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