I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
