Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
