I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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