fuck your aforementioned shoe
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
