Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
