i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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