My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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