Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
