I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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