Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
