Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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