She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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