I've blown a few things in my day
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
