Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
