allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
