Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
whose parrot is this?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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