Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish my penis had a tongue
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
