just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Life is so much better after having sex.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
