Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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