if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
