I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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