i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
