i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
