new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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