i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
