My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
