He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
