her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
