I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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